Many of us call ourselves people pleasers like it’s a badge of honour, proving how caring and altruistic we are. We take on extra patients, volunteer for school trips on our days off, or stay up late baking for events, all while exhausted.
But there’s something darker underneath this behaviour. People pleasing isn’t kindness; it’s actually an attempt to control what others think of us, and it comes from fear: fear others will think we’re lazy, unhelpful, or selfish if we say no.
When we understand this, we can start making choices based on our actual capacity rather than our anxiety about others’ opinions. Remember: trying to control what others think of you is neither possible nor your responsibility.
Continued people pleasing leads to resentment that leaks into our interactions with patients, colleagues, and loved ones. We slowly disappear under the weight of trying to be everything for everyone. Eventually we wake up feeling unappreciated and burned out, when in reality, nobody asked us to operate at 150% capacity. We volunteered because we were scared of being seen as anything less than perfect.
So the next time someone asks you to take on something extra, try the mantra offered in this quick dip. And remember your true value doesn’t come from universal approval or hero worship, but from being well, honest, and still liking yourself at the end of a full day’s work.
