22nd February, 2022

What to Do When You Start to See Red?

With Rachel Morris

Dr Rachel Morris

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On this episode

Do you find yourself stuck in a pattern of aggressive conversations in certain situations? Do you ever wonder why those conversations trigger you? It can be hard to understand what’s happening when we’re feeling in what he calls a ‘red state’. Identifying the feeling is the first step in mindfulness practice; we need to recognise our red emotional states to move away from them.

Graham Lee joins us in this episode to discuss our emotional states and apply simple mindfulness techniques to get out of a red state and into a green one. Most conflicts are rooted in unmet needs. When we admit those needs, we can instantly change relationship dynamics! Graham also shares insights on what to do during stressful situations where your emotions cloud your judgement and thinking.

If you want to use mindfulness practice to be more aware of your emotions even during difficult situations, then stay tuned to this episode.

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Reasons to listen

  1. Discover how we can categorise our emotional states to be more effective in our conversations without triggers.
  2. Learn how to shift from a red state to a green state through mindfulness practices.
  3. Understand how our secondary and primary emotions relate to unmet needs.

Episode highlights


Introducing Graham


How Can Emotional Awareness Change Conversations


Mindfulness Practices Even During Stress


How to View Emotions and Our Needs


The Importance of Acknowledgement 


Practical Techniques 


Be the Observer


Observe First Before Anything Else


Graham’s Tips 


What to Do When Someone Else is Red

Episode transcript

Graham Lee: Some of the triggers and difficulties in relationships come from not acknowledging our relational. There’s a beautiful phrase from a writer called Harville Hendricks, he says, ‘Every relational complaint or criticism is a tragic expression of an unmet need.’ But you think about when we are fighting with people, we’re really triggered. And we pause and think, ‘Oh, what I’m really longing for.’ And then we find ‘Oh, it’s about actually feeling like you’re listening to me, that you value my contribution, or that you respect me.’ Rachel Morris: Do you ever find yourself getting more and more…

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