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24th September, 2024

How to Get What You Need When Even YOU Don’t Know

With Rachel Morris

Dr Rachel Morris

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On this episode

When we’re stressed or tired, we can act in ways that push away the people we love. We tell ourselves they should’ve anticipated our needs, or that they don’t appreciate us.

This is probably a sign that an underlying core need isn’t being met. Understanding these needs can help us avoid misinterpreting situations and blaming others. By focusing on those needs, we can communicate better and avoid an escalating conflict over the dirty dishes.

We all have essential needs for rest, connection, and appreciation – these are our “SOS needs”. Pay attention to how these needs show up in your body and mind – and when you feel overwhelmed, take a pause, step away, and give yourself time to think clearly.

If we don’t, we can end up creating a cycle where we feel worse and more isolated. We might miss out on the love and support we actually need, and reinforce those stories about how we’re unappreciated.

Next time you’re upset, step back, take a moment, and reflect on what you truly need. This small step can make a big difference in how you connect with those around you, so you get your needs met.

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Reasons to listen

  • To help improve your relationships and avoid misunderstandings
  • To help you de-escalate potential conflicts
  • To learn to navigate emotions and feelings, and the differences between them

Episode highlights

00:03:17

When your critical greatest hits are playing

00:04:51

Checking in with your underlying needs

00:05:39

SOS needs

00:07:44

When emotions turn into feelings

00:09:16

The facts vs “the truth” as our minds present it

00:13:48

Recognising your basic needs

00:14:40

How do your needs show up in your body?

00:15:28

Take a pause

00:16:55

Questions you can ask yourself

00:17:23

Communicate your needs

00:22:26

Be your own best friend

Episode transcript

[00:00:00] Rachel: I really, really hate September, September is the month where I always seem to get things really, really wrong. [00:00:06] So I’m cycling home a couple of weeks ago. It’s the first Monday in September. We’ve been at a festival all weekend. That week we had my son’s 18th birthday. My daughter was going to university for the very first time. I had somebody new, starting at work, and all the kids are going back to school as well. [00:00:25] Now, this is obviously off the back of a lovely summer when I’m also trying to work. As…

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