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Shame stops us from setting boundaries, looking after ourselves, and being resilient. It can hit us when we feel like our actions go against deeply held values, or when we can’t meet impossible expectations. This can make us feel like we’re not good enough, which affects how we work, learn, and interact with others.
To deal with shame, we need to name it and understand it. Talking about it is key. Once we can label it for what it is, it loses some of its power. Building trust with others and creating safe spaces for open conversations can help us process and move forward. Sharing stories can be transformational and help us connect on a human level.
Toxic environments are built on shame. People withdraw, become defensive, or even lash out. It impacts learning, relationships, and the way we care for ourselves and others. It can make teams feel unsafe and push people to overwork in an attempt to compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy.
And while we can’t eradicate shame, we can make a dent in it, by reflecting on our own experiences. Think about a recent situation where you felt shame or noticed it in someone else. Ask yourself what caused it and how you can respond differently next time. Having these small, honest conversations can make a big difference.
Show links
More episodes of You Are Not a Frog:
- How to Stop Turning “You” Problems into “Me” Problems – Episode 251
- How to Avoid Guilt on Repeat – with Dr Sarah Coope
- What Shame Made Me Do – Episode 200, with Dr Sandy Miles
About the guests
Sandy Miles is a practising GP and a medical educator. She is also the co-founder of Acacia Retreat, holding bi-annual retreats for doctors feeling overwhelmed. Passionate to help fellow medical professionals, Sandy has written several research articles about shame and maladaptive behaviours in the medical industry — such as perfectionism in healthcare workers.
Sandy gained her Bachelor of Medicine from the University of London and then earned her Master of Science in Medical Humanities from King’s College London.
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Reasons to listen
- To learn how to identify and address shame to create healthier work environments
- To understand the impact of shame on behaviour and relationships, and how it can lead to toxic dynamics
- For practical strategies to minimise shaming and create safe spaces for open communication and trust
