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On this episode
Do you find yourself trapped by the expectations and pressures of what you think you “should” be doing? Is there a voice in your head, berating you for not living up to their standards? If so, you might be experiencing the tyranny of the shoulds.
You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed or uncertain. But it turns out that hearing others’ stories can help you realise that your struggles are common. Also, if you rely on others for feedback it’s important to know whom to ask and when, so you don’t end up with an over-eager cheerleader or someone who’ll burst your bubble before its time.
In this episode, Charlotte Housden discusses her research on successfully navigating change and how we can escape that nagging, finger-wagging presence we all have from time to time.
That voice of doubt and fear can trap us in a cycle of unhappiness and unfulfilment. It might mean we miss out on opportunities for growth, personal development, and finding true satisfaction in our lives and careers. But by remembering that you are not your thoughts, you can start to free yourself from the tyranny of the shoulds.
Show links
More episodes of You Are Not a Frog:
- What Happens When We’re Really Listened to – Episode 180, with Tom Dillon
- How to Avoid Becoming the Second Victim – Episode 92, with Dr Caraline Wright & Dr Lizzie Sweeting
- Job Crafting for Happiness – Episode 144, with Kirsten Armit, Dr Colin Lindsay, and Dr Daljit Hothi
Swim Jump Fly: A Guide to Changing Your Life – Charlotte’s book
Charlotte’s Tyranny of the Shoulds podcast
The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living, by Russ Harris
Download the episode’s workbook and CPD form. You can use them for reflection and to submit for your appraisal.
About the guests
Charlotte is a chartered coaching psychologist helping individuals to navigate their organisations and careers. She has interviewed 108 people in 27 countries identifying how they successfully navigate change and is the author of Swim Jump Fly: A Guide to Changing Your Life.
Follow Charlotte Housden
Reasons to listen
- To gain insights from interviews with 108 people in 27 countries on successfully navigating change in life.
- To understand the importance of hearing others’ stories, and how it can make you feel less alone.
- To get the resources you nee to facilitate and sustain change.
Episode highlights
The importance of knowing you’re not alone
Stories and consequences of change
How to give feedback
Delaying gratification on a new project
What to do when you feel you need to change everything at once
Job crafting
The shift in the psychological contract
The tyranny of the shoulds
Midroll
The three musts
You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather
You are not your thoughts
What most medical students aren’t taught about their own thoughts
What doctors need to make it to the top
The key to greater productivity
Charlotte’s top tips
Episode transcript
[00:00:00] Rachel: No matter how much we achieve or how hard we work, some of us will still hear a voice in our head telling us we should be doing more, should be going further, should be working longer hours or should be prioritizing somebody else. This is the tyranny of the shoulds, and it’s something, a lot of people experience, especially high achievers. [00:00:21] In this episode, I chatted to Charlotte Housden. ::::She’s a coaching psychologist who specializes in helping people navigate change. She’s interviewed over a hundred people for her new book and joins us this week to…
