12th March, 2024

How to Tell People What You REALLY Think

With Lasy Lawless

Photo of Lasy Lawless

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On this episode

Saying what you really feel – especially in a high-stress job – is no easy task. Crucial conversations are often avoided for fear of damaging relationships. These unaired grievances get bottled up and over time can increase our level of stress.

But there are three core conditions for effective conversation that can help here: empathy (stepping into someone else’s shoes), unconditional respect (accepting the other’s right to be as they are), and congruence (expressing our thoughts and feelings authentically).

Sadly, ignoring a problem with another person – or avoiding giving negative feedback – won’t make them go away. On the contrary, too many important things going unsaid can lead to a toxic environment where stress levels rise, relationships break down, and productivity suffers.

But, by stepping into the other party’s shoes, respecting their right to be as they are, and expressing our own thoughts authentically, we can create a more psychologically safe environment where issues are dealt with respectfully.

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About the guests

Lasy Lawless photo

Reasons to listen

  • To learn about the three core conditions for effective conversation
  • To understand how balancing these conditions can improve communication and lead to healthier relationships
  • To discover strategies to identify and address conversations you’ve been avoiding, reducing stress and unresolved conflicts

Episode highlights


Where people struggle to say what they mean


Bringing your whole self to work


The 3 core conditions for being with people


What to do if you’re stuck in a “must-win” mindset


Saying what you really mean


Identifying your emotions


When to ask for help


How to give difficult feedback


How to take difficult feedback


When tricky feedback situations become unpleasant


Lasy’s top tips

Episode transcript

[00:00:00] Rachel: Is there a difficult conversation at work that you’ve been avoiding? Is there someone that you’ve really loved to give a piece of your mind? When the pressure’s on, it can be really difficult to express your true thoughts and feelings, especially when you’re worried about giving offense. [00:00:14] This week, I’m speaking with Lasy Lawless, a psychotherapist who advocates bringing your whole self to work. We talked about the three core elements of effective conversations and what to do if you’re stuck with the sorts of person who thinks the conversation is something you’ve got to win.…

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